IT WAS NOT OUT OF DESPERATION I WAS INNOCENTLY TRYING TO BEAT THE DEADLINE

.To whom it may concern,

Dear anonymous,

I am soon going to turn 20, not any other age but 20,

meaning i am leaving my teenage life permanently behind me,

i will officially be an adult and so must i live like one,

i will tell you how i want my 20’s to be,

for sure there will be a difference between my teenage and adult life,

 

i am going to be selfish with my time,

not because i am proud but because i am going to set my priorities right,

i won’t text you more like i used to,

i won’t be patient with you like i used to be,

there won’t be butterflies because of you,

all this is because i will have grown up,

 

so yes i told you and i don’t regret it,

eventually it had to come out and it sure did,

did i mention i sleep like a baby these days?

no more burden, no more,

i know i should have waited a little longer but then,

i am almost turning 20 and i had to set everything straight,

I can’t move to twenty and start asking ‘what if i had said it’

‘what if i did this’ 20 can’t be my what-if years

 

 

at twenty I’ll be lying sleepless in bed thinking of

how my future will be and what i am doing to get there,

at twenty i can’t afford to think about crushes anymore,

at twenty i can’t keep on checking my whatsap with the

hope that you are probably going to text me,

at twenty you can blue tick me all you want and

trust me i won’t bother,

i will have grown up now.

 

i won’t try making things work, i am done with that,

i will be done with the teenage fantasy and getting

excited for no reason

i will be done with making the extra effort all the time.

if we can’t meet halfway I’ll understand

i won’t mind though

my twenties will be my eliminating years.

i will surely eliminate anything that doesn’t matter anymore.

from friendships to chats to people to contacts

 

i hope you now understand i was trying to beat my 20’s deadline,

even if things don’t turn out the way i think they should,

it won’t change the fact that you are an amazing being,

it won’t change at all,

I’ll still store you in my long-term memory,

you’ll be safe there.

I hope you understand;

it was not out of desperation i couldn’t face you after i turn 20.

 

the only thing that won’t change IS I WILL NOT STOP HAVING HOMESICK.

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